Home.

I apologize for the extreme lack in communication this past week. I am safely in the states and safely wandering through culture shock.

Last week I spent my days at the HIV and AIDS clinic in Santa Lucia. I did not have internet access and my days were long and emotionally straining. The clinic was not how I expected it to be, but the experience is exactly what I needed. Also I am not sure why I would have expectations, because I knew nothing about the clinic when I got here. What would I know about HIV in Guatemala? The Lord definitely changed a very prideful, stubborn heart this week.

A friend once told me that most people who want to work with HIV and AIDS do it for the hero power. I feel like I am guilty of that sometimes. I wanted to have alot of responsibility at the clinic, I wanted to have patient care. The truth is, they needed someone to help with the babies. And the truth is, that is exactly what I needed. I was forced to change diapers, be thrown up on, peed on, spit on- and that is precisely the type of experience that puts pride to rest and makes you realize how lucky you are to have the priveledge of taking care of another human being who cannot take care of themselves.

I have fallen in love with ten babies. From 0 months to 2 years- they are all HIV positive and all live in a room. I was suprised to see all the clothes and shoes and toys they had- but the hospital is the only one that treats HIV in Guatemala so the donations are good. All the shirts are from the States so the kids ask me to translate the meanings of the words into Spanish. It is funny to see the snarky-wal-mart-type Tshirts, and the concert T's and the Hannah Montana T's on those bodies- that have never left the gates of that place. Most of the children are orphans, because their parents died of HIV.

Now time for my nerdy time. I grilled one of the nurses about HIV in Guatemala. I asked her which of the big three (male to male relations, drug needles, mother to child) were the main problem in Guatemala. The culprit did not surprise me. The machismo culture. She said most of the cases are mother to child. A man and a woman are married and do not use protection because why do they need to, they are married? Since the culture is machismo, the man chooses to be unfaithful to his wife. He has multiple partners and then comes back to share the marriage bed with his wife. The woman is the recipient of what he brought back, and the precious chiuldren I took care of are the result. I am not saying men are always the ones who are unfaithful, but this is the norm with machismo.

What I am saying is these tiny children have literally done nothing but be born. They are now not allowed in public schools, national hospitals can't treat them, and they will never be allowed a job with any human to human contact. The truth is most people in Guatemala believe that HIV si transmitted by kissing. In reality, you need 1 gallon of human saliva to transmit the virus. When I told people I was volunteering at this clinic, they immediately took a step away. The taboo is also due to the strong influence of the catholic church. HIV is evil.

It all comes down to this. We are all the same. We are all human, and have broken broken bodies. All of us are desperately in need of something to pour life and love into a fragile state. People with HIV have not participated in some kind of "immoral behavior" as some US politician said. No matter if it is the 6 month orphan who did not do a thing, or the cocaine addict. Who are we to think we are better? And to deny them medication, jobs, education and the right to a semi-normal life? I get so angry. Why did I know nothing about this disease, this pandemic, until I went to college and took a class entitled "AIDS AND SOCIETY"....if this is the pandemic of our generation, why does nobody know about it?

I do not want to end with my angry soap box. So I will end with this. This is Rosalie. She is two. She has nobody. Her parents both died of AIDS and she has no extended family. She will grow up here and leave and probably have no job or hope of an undiscriminated life. She chose to attach herself to me. Rosalie is the most compassionate 2 year old I have ever met. She grins and smiles and shows affection. She is also the fattest.She came to the clinic with severe malnutrition but is now....FAT. the nurses call her "gordita" and all the other kids make fun of her weight. Whenever we go on walks or walk to the cafeteria she begs to be carried but is made to walk cause her belly is...well big.

Rosalie is selfless. She is not in the baby category- so the older kids do not beg to hold her and feed her. She cannot talk yet so she is not in the hilarious category. She is not old enough to be mischievous and bratty so she does not get that type of condition. She does not get much attention at all, besides the necessary.

Why is Rosalie self sacrificing? Let me tel you something I noticed. Rosalie is amazing at gesticulating. All Guatemalans are. When she wants soething she grunts and then points. When she wants me to come she flings her hand forward and grins. She will go sit down on the ground and pat the spot next to her to say "come sit by me". But here is why she is magnificent. Every time we would be play and she heard someone else crying- her eyes would perk up. She would look up from whatever she was doing and look for the source of the distress. Then she would hit my arm, catch my eye, and point at the other baby that was crying. I knew exactly what she was thinking. Then, she would touch my legs point her index finger at the baby, and give a quick head nod. She told me "go! he needs you more than i do". I was utterly in awe of this. It happened all the time. She would see the baby, get my attention and tell me to go pick it up- no matter how stressed out she was- at TWO YEARS OLD the needs of others were put before her own. I love Rosalie. It is all worth it.